My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
