Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
