i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
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