What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
