My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
