Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
