Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
