all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
