He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
