i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
