"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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