I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
