If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
