Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
