Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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