It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
