Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
