I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
