It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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