I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
