And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
