I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
