Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
