Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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