All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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