God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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