He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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