I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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