just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second