she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.