life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.