Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.