I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
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so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
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I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone