Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.