she was so not down for the gang bang
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
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You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
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I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!