I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
