I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
