last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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