I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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