Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
