Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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