shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just forgot I was standing up.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
