Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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