I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
