I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
