i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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