No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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