you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
