he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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