the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
