I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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