I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He shit in the fireplace
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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