i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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