I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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