Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
