There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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