He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
