i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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