bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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