I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
