Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
