I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
