He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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