hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
