So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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