If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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