Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I am available for nakedness
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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