is wine microwaveable?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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