My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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