I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
