I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
