I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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